Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Less talking, more tequila
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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