I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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