it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
