The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
