my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
