You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
