i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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