I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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