I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Green mimosas i think yes
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
