well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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