Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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