The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
