Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
