while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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