should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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