dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
