chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
