does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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