I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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