I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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