There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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