I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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