Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
