I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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