everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
