I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
