There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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