Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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