It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
