Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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