why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
