Your face is a jimmy john
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
