We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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