She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
