I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
