your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
