I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
