There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
