on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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