I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
