and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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