3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
