o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
