6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize