I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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