Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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