Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
