living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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