just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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