I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
