Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
