I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize