so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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