Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
