well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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