Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
