look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize