my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
