I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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