So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
