and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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