Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
