What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We talked him into tasing himself.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
