If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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