i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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