Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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