chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Can I color on your dick again?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
