I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
