Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
