I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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