I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
