so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
