oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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