So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
