You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
