I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
