I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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