bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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