sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
