yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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