I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
