I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
