After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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