4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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