I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
