dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
