I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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