I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
