I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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