Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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