I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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