I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
