"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
