Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
