I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
