john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
