you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
