i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
