I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
