yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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