she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize