I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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