well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
